Seasons
by CupcakeGal
Summary: How do you measure, measure a year? Four conversations in the Enchanted Forest. Post 3x11. Spoilers for Season 3B
1. Winter - Snow and Regina

**Seasons**

_Summary: How do you measure, measure a year? Four conversations in the Enchanted Forest. Post 3x11. Spoilers for Season 3B. _

_A/N: This short story has been lingering on the edges of my mind for a while. There were so many emotions and possibilities stirred up by 'Going Home' and I wanted to explore some of the ones which are the most interesting to me. While this will contain spoilers, it's more about an exploration of certain character dynamics and emotions than plot, so it shouldn't be too bad. This story also marks the first time I'm having a go at writing Regina and later on Hook, so I'd appreciate any and all feedback J_

_The title and summary are taken from the song 'Seasons of Love' from the musical Rent. It's one of my favourites, so I'd definitely recommend youtubing it if you've never heard it before._

_Disclaimer: OUAT and all of its characters belong to ABC…all I own is a mind slowly being taken over by fictional characters…help!_

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><p><strong>Winter<strong>

After turning for the hundredth time, Snow had to admit defeat. There would be no sleep for her tonight. Charming was on watch, patrolling around the edge of the field the returned inhabitants of the Enchanted Forest temporarily called home. It had been hard enough to find sleep the first few nights even with her husband's warm presence wrapped around her like a shield…without him, it was nigh impossible. Sitting up with a small huff, she lightly stretched out her tired and aching muscles. Her body wasn't yet re-adjusted to the physical labour required when one was camping in the forest, too used to all the amenities Storybrooke had afforded.

Allowing her eyes to wander, she could just make out the many small fires dotting the landscape, each offering warmth to another group of shell-shocked people. There hadn't been much time to warn everybody of what was coming and most had found themselves standing in their former land without warning. Even now, a few days after the fact, the reality of their situation had still not completely set in.

As her eyes came to rest on the closest fire, she could make out a shadowed figure slumped before its warmth.

Regina.

Even in the relative darkness, Snow could make out the defeated edge to her posture. It was a projection of weakness Regina would never show during the daytime or indeed even the nighttime if she knew she was being observed. Debating internally for a moment, Snow rose and stealthily made her way around sleeping dwarves, careful not to accidentally step on anyone. She quietly took a seat on the log next to Regina, pulling her cloak tight around her form. The woman in question started slightly at the intrusion, her whole body snapping taut with authority until she realized it was Snow beside her. The small relaxation of her body at this realization spoke volumes as to her current state of mind. Snow couldn't imagine her presence would've provoked that reaction even a few weeks ago.

"Couldn't sleep?"

Snow deliberately kept her eyes forward as she voiced the question, the dancing flames throwing flickering shadows against the cold ground. For a moment, she thought Regina was going to ignore her before a slightly croaky answer came from beside her.

"I would've thought that was obvious."

Snow let the snarkiness in the reply go by unremarked, choosing instead to address the timbre of Regina's voice…the kind that could only come from…

"You've been crying."

"That's none of your business," Regina snapped, but it was more half-hearted than anything. Everything she had done in the last few days had come across as half-hearted and Snow only needed one guess as to the reason why.

"You miss Henry."

"And you miss Emma," Regina threw back before they both lapsed into silence.

For the first time in a long time the two of them had something in common…they both missed their children with a fierceness which couldn't be measured by mortal means.

"How did you do it?"

Regina's question was whispered, her voice softer than Snow had heard since she was a child.

"Do what?"

"Give up your daughter and not…not go insane at the thought."

"You didn't give me much choice."

Regina flinched slightly but Snow hadn't meant the words to hurt…they were just a statement of truth.

"I only truly had a few hours to comprehend that I had to give her up. Until I went into labour early, I thought it was my husband I would have to leave behind. Even so, those few hours…the agony of not knowing I would ever see her again was worse than childbirth."

Snow's voice dropped slightly as she relived the memory. The franticness, the anguish. The calm goodbye she'd given her daughter days before was completely different…but the pain was the same.

"And this time, I tell myself that she is a strong, brave, smart woman. That she will not only survive but thrive…I will stay strong in her memory, even as my heart breaks from losing her once more."

That belief was one she clung to, repeated to herself as a mantra, a shield against the hurt.

"I miss him," Regina admitted lowly, "I didn't think…we've been separated before but this is different. This was by my own hand, my fault. Everything I touch…I destroy everything I touch. Henry is the most innocent of us all, and I've disrupted his life so many times because I wanted to keep him to myself…because he was the only part of me who was truly good. Without him? Without him I _am_ nothing more than the Evil Queen."

"If you think that, you're dishonouring his memory," Snow uttered sharply, "He always thought you were more, that you could be more. This is your chance to prove him right…to live in a way he'd be proud of."

For the first time, Regina looked across at Snow.

"Do you really believe any of the people here will grant me that chance…again?"

She gestured her hand dismissively but there was a longing in her voice which could not be disguised by her apparent indifference.

"I think giving up Henry to save their lives will help them make that decision."

"Even you?"

"Yes."

There was no hesitation in Snow's voice.

"Even after I've tried so many times to destroy your life, even after you've given me chances before?"

It was the closest to an admission of guilt Regina had ever uttered…but Snow found no pleasure in it. Perhaps at another time she would push, would strive to garner the apology for the suffering she'd been subjected to as a result of a childhood mistake, but it wouldn't be now. Not mere days after they'd both lost their children. She knew the agony of separation and even in her darkest hours, would never have wished it upon Regina. Instead, she laid a hesitant hand on Regina's shoulder, fingers curving reassuringly around the thick bulk of her cape.

"Yes. Because you gave my daughter a gift I could not. A chance to do over the one thing she regrets most…giving Henry away. And with that, with those memories, I know she'll be happy…that she'll be loved."

"I didn't do it for your admiration, or for Emma," Regina replied, her eyes once again stubbornly focused forward onto the fire.

"You did it for Henry, I know. But the reason behind it doesn't diminish its significance to me."

Silence fell between them for a few minutes, the only sound provided by the crackling fire and restless movements of the surrounding sleeping people. This was the most civil conversation between them Snow could remember. It reminded her of the woman she had first known…the one she strained to see behind the snarling mask of anger and revenge Regina clung to without fail. She had hoped so many times to see that woman again but it was with her actions at the town line that she'd finally seen that Regina shine briefly through. Perhaps having to sacrifice her own happiness for the sake of others, for the sake of the son she'd held onto with an unhealthy ferocity, would be the catalyst for her to truly change.

For now though?

For now, Snow was content to sit by Regina's side, both of them lost in the memories of the children they had no choice but to send away.


	2. Spring - Charming and Snow

_A/N: Thank you to anyone and everyone who has reviewed, favourited, followed or taken time to read the first chapter…I love you all! This chapter is the one which first germinated the idea for this story. A conversation between Snow and Charming about having another child…then I thought about other conversations I wanted to see and voila! Fic was born._

_The next part might take a bit longer in coming than this one…It involves Hook and I want to get his character right since I've never written him before._

_As always, any feedback is much appreciated…Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: OUAT and all of its characters belong to ABC…all I own is an intense sense of disappointment that I missed seeing the OUAT costumes at Disneyland when I was there last November!_

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><p><strong>Spring<strong>

It was official.

He'd lost his wife.

He'd searched nearly every damn room in the castle and asked every person who'd crossed his path whether they had seen her, but he'd had no luck.

If he wasn't so sure that she wouldn't leave the castle without telling him, he'd be on the verge of sending out search parties. But he knew she was here somewhere. They'd been entirely unwilling to be physically separated for any length of time since they had returned. Half of their family had already been lost to them…they wouldn't lose each other too.

Sighing, he scrubbed his hand over his face and decided to check their bedchambers one more time in case she had returned there. It was strange, but walking through the stone corridors of their once and present home still felt unnerving even now, a few months after they'd decided it was the best place to restart their lives in the Enchanted Forest. He'd once wanted nothing more to return here, but now all he could think about was how it was…empty, despite the many people residing within its walls.

Reaching the corridor which led to their rooms, he started to turn towards the right before a soft sound made him pause. Looking over his shoulder, he saw something out of place.

It was open.

The door to the nursery was open.

The room was the only one in the entire castle which remained strictly off-limits. Snow hadn't been able to bring herself to even set one foot within and he had only entered once. The destroyed furniture, broken toys and burnt-out shell of the wardrobe had been too much to take so soon after saying goodbye to the person who should have called the room hers.

Anger suffusing his veins, he marched towards the open door ready to berate whoever had expressly ignored his and Snow's wishes only to come to a screeching halt.

His wife was sitting on the floor, cradling a large plush stuffed lamb. He remembered picking the toy out at a local market. Snow had insisted their child should have a toy which represented his own childhood and Charming hadn't been able to resist.

"Snow?"

She jumped, whipping her head around in response. He only needed a tiny glimpse of her red-rimmed eyes to know that she had been crying. Without delay, he sunk to his knees beside her and wrapped his arm around her slightly shaking shoulders.

"What's wrong?"

She twisted slightly and buried her head against his chest. He ran his fingers along the length of her hair in a soothing motion, a part of him privately glad her hair was once again long. She didn't reply and that raised his level of concern.

If this was merely missing their daughter and grandson, he knew she would have no hesitation in voicing it.

"Sn…

"I'm pregnant."

The words were muffled against the fabric of his tunic but he understood them all the same.

Pregnant.

This was the second time in his life he'd heard those words spill from Snow's lips but the emotions which accompanied them this time were much more complex. They hadn't discussed their plans for another child since returning, other events and the raw loss of their firstborn sweeping any inkling of expanding their family under the rug.

"I know we didn't plan this…not now, not after…" Snow lapsed into silence, before pulling away from his chest so she could look into his eyes, "Charming, how can we do this? How can we…"

She didn't finish her question but he had never needed words to know what lay in his wife's heart. How could they have another child when they'd given up Emma for the second time? It was something he had grappled with even back when Snow had first expressed her desire to try again all those months ago in the Echo Cave and as such, he knew what he needed to say.

"We can do this," he said softly, raising a hand to wipe the stray tears along her cheek, "We can do this because we're going to live the philosophy we've always lived by, the one we told Emma to hold on to. We're going to live for the moments, for the joy this baby will bring."

"I don't know if I can," Snow whispered, eyes falling to the lamb still clutched in her arms, "Especially not here, not back in the place where we were meant to raise her. In Storybrooke it was different, I could pretend it was different but here…"

"This isn't replacing her," Charming said firmly, easily seeing into the truth behind Snow's words, "Yes, we will get to have experiences with this child we never got to have with her, but that also works the other way around. All the memories we have with Emma are unique and can't be repeated. Except for maybe this child one day walking in on us in an intimate moment because Emma would be the first to say that happened far too often for her liking."

His last words had their desired effect, a small smile and laugh his reward. Even with the slight humour at the end, he had meant every word. One child could never replace another…and that had never been their intent even when they'd planned for a second. They had always known, from before Snow had even become pregnant with Emma that they had wanted more than one child. The loneliness both had felt growing up as an only child was one they did not wish their own to feel. And while a part of their recent desire for a child had been the craving to experience all the years of childhood they had missed, it had never diminished what Emma meant to them.

"You're right," Snow finally agreed, her shoulders seemingly slumping with the relief of her fears being soothed away, "We can do this…we're having another child."

"We're having another child," Charming echoed, leaning forward to press a chaste, loving kiss against his wife's lips.

They sat in silence for a moment, foreheads resting together as they absorbed the enormity of what was to come. They were going to be parents again. It was scary, thrilling, joyful and amazing all in one.

"This baby…he or she…they'll never know their big sister or their nephew."

Snow's tone was wistful.

"Emma would probably be the most protective big sister in all the realms…and the coolest. I can see her as the type to slip her sibling treats before dinner or teaching them how to sneak out when they were older," he mused, easily able to picture it in his mind.

"And Henry would be the official story-teller…no-one else would be able to read them a bedtime story but him I'm sure," Snow added, her eyes unfocused as she too pictured the scenario she wished could come true.

"They'll know them Snow. Our child might never get to meet them but they'll know them. We'll make sure of that."

Charming's voice was full of conviction. The future might be uncertain but that was not. They would make sure their child knew about their brave, forthright and strong older sister and their selfless, loving, belief-filled nephew.

Neither of them would have it any other way.


	3. Summer - Hook and Charming

_A/N: I found myself with some unexpected free time and once I sat down to write, this just came flowing out. I'm a little leery of this chapter because I'm not sure I captured Hook correctly but if I fiddle with it anymore, it won't ever get posted! _

_As always, any feedback is much appreciated…Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: OUAT and all of its characters belong to ABC…all I own is a copy of my local paper with an article detailing the jail time fictional characters would get in the real world. Apparently the Disney version of Hook would be locked up for 38 years!_

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><p><strong>Summer<strong>

"Bloody hell!"

Hook slammed his hand against the nearest tree in frustration.

Five days they'd been searching these damned woods trying to find the origin of the creatures who were attacking the castle with ever increasing frequency but all to no avail. The flying beasts seemingly appeared and disappeared out of thin air with nary a hint of magic to be seen and all of the searching in the realm was proving fruitless.

It was times like this which made him wonder why he'd decided to throw his lot in with the hero types. He could've taken off on his own when they'd been returned to the Enchanted Forest…found a ship, returned to the seas to wallow in his sins and misery. In fact, that had been his initial plan. But every time he came close, he'd see _her. _In her father's eyes and her mother's smile, in Charming's stubbornness and Snow's fierceness. And he'd remember that if he was to have any chance when (and it would be when, not if) their paths crossed again, he would have to prove that his changed ways were sincere.

So if that meant pledging his loyalty and services to the newly restored rulers of this land, so be it. In all fairness though, it had not been as hard as he had imagined. Though he had spent all the years since his brother's death opposing authority and answering to none but himself, he'd found that the acceptance granted him by everyone was strangely appealing. It reminded him of the good man he'd been, the one who had commanded respect by virtue of his deeds and not by the deadliness of his sword.

Speaking of which…

The sound of a twig snapping had him twirling in readiness, hand reaching for the sword at his hip.

"It's just me!"

David emerged from a gap between the trees, his own sword held loosely in his grip.

"No luck mate?" Hook questioned as David sheathed his sword and reached up to wipe away the sweat dripping from his hair.

"No. Wherever these creatures are coming from, it is well hidden."

Frustration was clear in his voice and Hook felt a stab of sympathy. He may have offered his help to protect the citizens of their kingdom but David carried the responsibility of their well-being by virtue of his position. Though he would never admit it aloud, he had come to respect the man far more than he had imagined he would. His willingness to risk his life for his family in Neverland had been somewhat expected…to do the same for his subjects was more than Hook had ever experienced in all his dealings with royalty.

"We'll lose the light soon," he commented, eyeing the slowly sinking sun barely visible above the canopy of the forest.

"Then we'd better head back," David replied.

"After you, Your Highness," Hook smirked, throwing one arm out as he bowed slightly at the waist.

David just rolled his eyes good-naturedly and set off in the direction of the clearing where they'd left their horses. In stark contrast to the first weeks of their acquaintance, both men now felt comfortable enough with each other that gentle teasing at the expense of each other had become the norm without the undercurrent of despise which had marked their earliest conversations. For Hook, it was the first true camaraderie he'd experienced since his brother's death. His shipmates had been under his command and therefore any friendship had been tainted by the inequality of their respective positions but with David, he was more or less on equal footing.

They trudged on in silence for a while, though both of them kept alert for any hint of danger. Hook let David lead the way…give him a ship and a sea and he could navigate its waters with his eyes closed but in the forest, the prince was far more adept. Attention drawn briefly to a flicker of movement which on closer glance was nothing more than a bird flitting between branches, he didn't realize David had stopped until he found himself walking alone a few steps ahead.

"Found something?"

He followed David's line of sight to see a hollow log, large enough for a man to fit through easily.

"I'm not an expert, but I doubt flying monkeys make their home in an exposed log," he remarked with a hint of exasperation.

"No they don't…but bandit princesses do," David replied somewhat absent-mindedly before he shook his head and caught up to Hook with a few quick steps.

"There's a story here I sense," Hook prompted as they began to walk again. Over the past few months he had shared and heard in return a few tales of past exploits. In a way, he craved any stories David had to tell because they were a connection, however abstract, to Emma.

"Snow lived in a hollow like that when we first met."

"Ah, let me guess…the fair princess found herself in some trouble and you swooped in to save the day."

Whatever answer he had been expecting, it was not the full-on bark of laughter from his companion.

"Actually she robbed my carriage and hit me in the face with a rock."

Hook did nothing but blink. He knew Snow was far feistier than most delicate princesses but nothing about their relationship could have made him think they'd had such a rocky start, to pardon the pun.

"I suppose I should not be surprised given my first meeting with your daughter. Apparently she takes after her mother more than I first believed."

He wanted to swallow the words the minute they'd been spoken. Silence descended for a moment before…

"That's the first time you've mentioned Emma in front of me for some time."

Yes it was. He had steadfastly avoided mentioning Emma in David's presence. He had been earnest in his attempts to gain the prince's trust and reminding him that he had feelings for his daughter had not seemed to be a prudent course of action.

"I know."

David stared at him out of the corner of his eye, his expression unreadable.

"You miss her."

It was a statement, not a question and Hook found he could do nothing more than nod in acknowledgment.

David sighed, his whole body tensing for a moment before a look of resignation mixed with determination crossed his face.

"I was wrong," he started, gaze fixed unwaveringly forward, "You are more than just a pirate. Every action you've taken here has proved that beyond doubt. If Emma was here, if she chose you…it would not the worst thing in the world."

It was the closest to a blessing he knew David would ever utter and far more than he ever believed he would hear. He felt…touched, in a way he couldn't fully describe. To hear the respect from someone as honourable as the prince and protective as Emma's father…it gave him hope that his past sins were being redeemed, however slowly. But voicing his gratitude was more than he could handle at the moment, so he settled for stating something he had clung to all these months.

"We will see her again…If she's half as stubborn as the rest of her family and I know she is, somehow we will see her again."

David nodded, eyes slightly unfocused and Hook knew he was picturing his daughter.

"I hope so."

That seemed to signal the end of their conversation and they continued walking. But David's words played on Hook's mind and he could not help the words which spilled from his mouth.

"Does this mean you won't run me through with your sword if you catch us in a kiss?"

"Don't push your luck pirate."


	4. Autumn - Regina and Hook

_A/N: And we come full circle. I'm really not sure about this one but I've had it written for days and no amount of fiddling is making it any better in my eyes so I just have to swallow my nerves and post it._

_Thank you to everyone who has read this little tale and I hope it's been a worthy attempt to address some things upcoming in the series…not long to go now! _

_As always, any feedback is much appreciated…Enjoy!_

_Disclaimer: OUAT and all of its characters belong to ABC…all I own is one small fluffy dog who likes to rest his head on my laptop and make it impossible to type!_

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><p><strong>Autumn<strong>

Regina stood against the balustrade, hands curled around the cool stone as she watched the golden trees swaying in the distance. Behind her, she could hear the nervous chatter of the crowd working to shore up the castle's defenses in case their new-found enemy decided to attack once more. The witch who had stolen her castle (and her wardrobe) was proving to be a far more difficult adversary than Regina had first thought. It almost made her long for the days when her wayward step-daughter was her opponent…at least Snow had always been predictable.

But now, nothing was predictable. She was living in a castle populated by people who she had tried to kill…most of them more than once, her son was off in another land with no memory of the life they'd shared, she actually now spoke to Snow on a regular basis without their conversations devolving into accusations, shouts and tears and her heart…her heart was at once both torn and healing.

It had been an overwhelming shock to discover her heart was not as black as it had once been. In her grief at losing her son, she'd ripped it from her chest in a desperate attempt to rid herself of emotions she did not think she could handle…only to find that her actions in undoing the curse had caused some of the darkness to dissipate. She had long believed her path was set, that any change on her part would prove fruitless. But with the evidence it was not held in her hand, she'd replaced her heart and made a vow…a vow to live in a way that would make Henry proud.

Not that it was easy…years of taking the evil road could not be undone in a single moment but she was trying…trying harder than she ever had before. Relationships which had been seemingly tainted beyond repair were healing…and new ones were forming. And it was one in particular which had her standing in solitude, head awhirl in thoughts.

"You know, things might be finished much sooner if you deigned to help us Your Highness."

Regina stiffened, eyes sliding to the man who had joined her at the castle's edge.

"I believe you're succeeding just fine without me Hook."

The pirate merely raised his eyebrow, unscrewing the lid of his flask to take a swig.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're avoiding something…or someone," he commented slyly.

He was too observant for his own good and not afraid of her enough not to voice it. They'd struck up a strange friendship over the last year…two villains throwing their lot in with the heroes for the sake of someone they loved. Her for Henry, him for Emma. Besides, though she would never admit it out loud it was nice to have someone to converse with who didn't always speak with such grating earnest as Snow and Charming…someone whose wit was at least a match for hers.

"I'm merely keeping watch," she deflected, her tone as icy as it had ever been.

"Right, 'keeping watch'," Hook repeated mockingly, "That's Queen-speak for avoiding a certain green-clad archer, isn't it love?"

A lesser person would've flinched at the strength of the glare Regina sent his way, but Hook merely took another swig of his rum. It was times like this she wished she hadn't made a personal vow to not use magic unnecessarily…she would have liked to throw a fireball at his smug face and watch him duck it ungracefully.

"I am not avoiding Ro…_him_," she tried to state unemotionally but the fact she was unable to even voice his name put paid to that attempt, "I have no reason to."

"No reason…" Hook repeated, "No reason like the fact the mighty Evil Queen has finally met someone who makes her…feel."

The words were derisive but incisive and Regina found she had no defense against them. It was true…for the first time since Daniel's death she had begun to develop feelings of a nature she believed were impossible for her to feel again. Couple that with the unmistakable evidence which pointed to him being the man she'd been too cowardly to seek out all those years ago and she was in a situation she did not know how to even begin to deal with.

"You want my advice?" Hook offered with a sardonic grin.

"Not particularly but given that I let Snow ramble on with hers, yours couldn't be any worse."

Regina kept looking out towards the trees, certain that she was about to hear a sarcasm-laden diatribe…and shocked into silence when she received anything but.

"You're staying away from him because you think it's a betrayal of the man you loved before and everything you did in vengeance in his name. That allowing yourself to believe you can have love again renders the atrocities you committed with the belief you couldn't as even more evil than you've ever let yourself acknowledge. And you're afraid…afraid that you'll just end up in exactly the same position you were before if you ever lost him."

The understanding and sincerity in the pirate's words cut through everything Regina had held close and she felt bare in a way she had not for a very long time. Though she should not have been surprised as she was…she had overheard more than one conversation in the past year which revealed Hook was far more than the arrogant, swaggering man he projected to the world. It was another similarity between them…the masks they wore to protect that which had been beaten and abused by too many losses and too many sinful deeds.

But Regina had never handled her emotions being exposed very well and her response was haughty…her typical default no matter how much she had tried to change it. Perhaps one day she would be able to discuss it but for now…

"I think you've gotten us confused pirate and I've no interest in hearing you ramble on about your unrequited love."

She turned to leave, but was stopped when he snagged her sleeve with his hook.

"Maybe so love, but I dare say we have far more in common than you're willing to admit…especially when it comes to matters of the heart."

Regina didn't deign to respond, instead removing his hook from her clothes with a steely glare and marching off towards the nearest castle entrance.

Hook didn't know anything she told herself…even as a small voice smothered by too many years of neglect shouted at her that he did.


End file.
